ash and funeral and wine

all you are right now is a pile of ash

gray and in a mound

I'd make a castle out of you but something about that strikes me as in poor taste

I only have one three piece suit

and it's at the dry cleaner's

so i am wearing a suit that's too broad in the shoulders

and pants whose legs rest above my ankles

my good dress shoes are at the bottom of the East River because of a bet made on a bar trivia night gone way too long and way too wrong

so I'm wearing Kmart penny loafers

the same ones I wore in every play I had ever been in high school

they squeak 

I squeak and forget why I am holding your remains in my arms

-- well in the crook of my left arm-- my other arm is too busy pouring myself another jup-jup of Franzia in a clear plastic cup-- 

we're masters of our own ships I am told

but I'm currently drowning myself in cheap white wine

thank god you always knew how to float, even now I use your remains as my life preserve in this room drenched with sorrow and fermented grapes

I'm also told that we are to do shots of whiskey in your name

I don't mean to make this about me, but I'd much prefer to shoot rifles in your name

though I've never shot a gun in anyone's name, I think now's the time we start

hell, it can be that chinese air rifle you would always use to fire and miss at the ground hog that would eat all your basil

but I guess we'll just wait

I hold you in my arms because I can

and I'll willingly drown as some distant relative offers condolences for someone they never knew

take this arrow, shoot straight

aim just above the navel

you always knew that was my soft spot

well, it's pretty much everybody's soft spot

but at least with arrows you always shot straight

at least with me you always took care to aim

I guess I should thank you

I have some confetti in my pocket

these days I never leave the house without a couple of fistfuls of confetti

so that I can always have the ability to make it rain-- if need be

buckle your seatbelt in the front seat

I'm not your chauffeur but we're going to go for a ride 

you and I and this lifted box of Franzia

we always had a good time together 

thank you

why should it be any different now

I'll go easy on the gas pedal

these highways aren't as straight as they used to be

and let's focus on what we need to do

it's the same as it was when we first met

though like you, a little grayer and a little smaller

let's sit

you and I and this mostly empty lifted box of Franzia

and look at the quarry where we first believed in something bigger than ourselves

because this quarry is still pretty fucking big, though like I said memory made it bigger

initials still in the tree, cataloguing all those who've visited

we'll watch the night pass 

not because it's romantic, I am just too drunk to stand up, let alone drive

my pockets are empty

your lid is really tight

let's loosen it

it's about time you and I made it rain

bye

you look much better as rain

I'll see you when I wake up