monster moon

a measured sense of optimism
as monsters make short work
of my constellations
my arrow pointed to the moon my steady breath my unfaltering hand despite
all the horrors of bedtime stories
all my bedtime nightmares
becoming a reality around me
I look up and hope that the shine of the tree lights does not diminish
volley after volley I send against
the moon's forces
my arrows blasting new holes into the surface
the ground and air pull me
snap at me
razor sharp maw of friend trying to bite my ankle
the man banging the piano
the underwater sea creatures
and
you

all stand behind me----------------------


--------------------------the craters of the moon call my name
--the name only my mother calls me--
I am so petrified of what it has to say
more afraid than I am of the destroyed piano keys behind me or the clenched jaw around my ankle or the
or the
or whatever
or whenever
or break point
or the point I take
when all I can do is silently force my infested spirit through the fluid movement
of my arms hands shoulder blades
thrumming the bow to blast new craters to put a muzzle on this celestial name calling

untitled

this is how I show my love













blame it on the doctor
blame it on the church
blame it on the school
blame it on the fire
the cleansing



so pry my face open
so you can look straight down my throat to my heart


see that fire
and try to deny its reality
you can't and neither can I


I can't help but vomit soot
and I can't help but feel ashamed when it happens
not to mention its awkwardness when soot covers my new shoes


so this is how I show it

and this is how I try to douse it straight to my liver
you'll have to pry open my belly to get a straight shot at that organ


blame anyone
blame anyone
blame the sea and clouds dancing and meadow vibrations and enemy soldiers and a fascination of ancient bombs not yet diffused
blame anyone's symphony
blame it on me



blame me

among the earliest

I break a toy sword you bought me

A sword from this toy store or that

The toy store I conjure in my mind when I think of those moments of raw excitement and self-assured need

Yes, I was sad it broke for its practical imaginary fighting purpose

But for also for some illogical reason I thought you’d be disappointed in me

Therefore I stand sobbing at the end of the driveway in a late fall afternoon- after school when all of the gold in the sky has no yet lost its luster, gold not yet left the sky

And you pull up in your car

Be it the green one

Or the brown before that or the German make black one before that

The one that always had problems, maybe

Or whatever one I choose to associate with your returning essence

You come home, hug me

Hear my sobs and without word takes me to get a new sword

So I can fight another imaginary battle

Because of you

untitled

Like walking on a pane of broken glass

I tread gingerly over fragments and shards of past words

Hurled and thrown slapped and tendered cooed and crowed 

Each word

Each shard

Each fragment sharper than it looks

But it's glass

Glass is always sharpest when broken

Each jagged syllable 

A reminder that blood flows the same

When cut by anything 

gamble ii

The unsent letters are burning a hole my the desk drawer

They haven't been written yet but already I know their weight 

resolved, anew

I.

Stupidly, I was the cousin of argument

The rain called to my toes

And friend of opinion

The wind blanketed my feet

And brother of contention

I sit sullenly

And feel the mud between my

Bickering limbs

II.

HAHA

I 

indifferent 

drop this bitter applause

III.

Single shaped

her name furrows into scroll

his too,

the father's handwriting

crushes silence

daughter 

father

on written page

letting geometry

determine the

extent of their

relationship

IV.

I myself seeing, standing, skimming

the severity, crookedly

your neck, now askance

ersatz

V. 

winter ransom

how reassuring his tale

learning birds

cleared from the frost

lest they be unable to fly